Being overlooked…

Again this week, I’m dealing with a lot… Mother in law was hospitalized twice in less than 10 days and discharged yesterday. I have a kid with a loose tooth (or two, one was smacked by a plastic teeter totter), a kid goofing off in a shopping cart and fell out… that’s just a small point.

Today. I was able to be at work all day and met with my bos. We were discussing her maternity leave and she said that her supers wanted to have a temporary fillin Program Manager however she was wanting to give it to another person in our office because “Your hours are being cut next month due to your child care situation” and “She will take over signing contracts & you will just be doing your job.”

First, I am an pissed that I have been looked over 3, yes THREE, times for a program manager

Second, I’m stagnant where I am because no growth opportunity. This is something I bring up yearly at my review and yet every year there are things taken from me.

Third, if I am not growing in anyway but round, why stay? Other than I need the money for bills and I do like tasks I have… but really I keep being cut on hours, tasks, and guess what… they have taken away my favorite tasks…

So I’m reflecting on this and wonder… does this one company deserve me more than my own children? Little Goob is not a happy girl tonight and well, this… this is how we stop crying at midnight…

Still stumbling, yet I’m more alive!!!

Right now I am having a slight pity party. I was hoping to have flown to Columbus, Ohio for the Thirty-One conference to be with my sisters who are on my team, meeting face to face. Instead, I am at home with my brood and keeping up with my day job while trying to not sulk.

Well, why would I wanna do that?? For starters, I need more business and going to conference would have done that by re-igniting my spark. I need a community of people who can push and motivate me in my ups and downs with my business. There are so many other reasons I wished I could go… but the factor for not going is the price of a ticket to get there and back especially when you got into bad debt, have outstanding medical bills, and the ex doesn’t work so they can’t pay child support.

I know, I know… I sound like a pity party of 1… but I’m blessed getting to stay home too. I get to see my lovely family, will be celebrating a 5th birthday with my friend’s daughter, and can get my to do list knocked down a little. I started today by taking 30 minutes, started laundry after Goober went down and worked peacefully in the office at home. I was able to clear the desk and find a large stack of papers to shred as well as try to find uses for some of the products i sell.

Feel free to check out my website: http://www.mythirtyone.com/1940404

It’s late…

A downer with depression is the other things that come with it like insomnia, exhaustion, that devil on your left shoulder and angel on the right… you know what I mean?

I can go to sleep and rest but then the little devil says, “But there is laundry to wash.” It tries to guilt me into losing sleep by reminding me what I need to get done. “Mt. Washmore ain’t gonna wash itself ya know!” Well, someone else can grab that… TOMORROW! Better yet, I could do that in the morning if I remember to.

Tonight, I’m choosing REST because I know my body, mind & soul need it. Good night & Godspeed!!

I know I have done right…

Last night I got a surprise. My amazing 16 year old paid for my hubs and I to go out to dinner at one of the local higher class establishments.

He told the hubs that I was stressed out and we needed to get out. My 16 year old was cognizant of my feelings. He took care of planning it so I had no clue.

We had an hour out… no kids, no phones, no interruptions. We got to see our boy working and enjoying it. He even picked out dessert and plated it himself for us.

I felt relief as this last week mentally was hell for me. I realize he does listen and care.

Love you Leo!!

… CRICKETS…

Sorry for the crickets on my blog lately. Been pre-occupied with my real life issues… insomnia, depression, feelings of failure, and body issues like my right shoulder & rotator tears.

I just wanted to say, I’m here and alive.

Oh, a She-Ra conversation from 345 am today: Daddy, my feet hurt when I walk on them. (She just stood up in the crib where my hubs put her)

Hubs: It’s too early to be awake so go back to sleep and your feet won’t hurt.

She-ra: **lays back down**

Well, I should try and sleep too!! Night!!

Sleep deprived??

Man, this week has flown by!! Moose turned 11, so we now have 2 (yes 2) 11 year olds in the house. So it’s been a little crazy. We had 5 kiddos in the dentist this week, only 1 having to go back but not for cavities but to have their tooth extracted… yup She-Ra has to have her front tooth pulled because it’s dead and now has an infection, luckily it’s a baby tooth. Plus, the dentist wants a skin tag biopsied so that the poor girl has at the corner of her mouth.

5 hours on Wednesday driving paper routes… my kiddos plus 2 clients routes… please never again!! I felt like it was a constant dream with my client, over and over again grabbing his crotch saying “I want you in my mouth”… the life of working with people with disabilities.

On to life of sitting in my office wishing wasn’t at work… life… day dreaming of the day when I can confidently be unemployed… with children, that will never happen.

Spent an hour with 2 children at a counseling and hopefully it helped… so far it hasn’t…

Forgot that Goob had her 6 month check up… included vaccines. So no rest for this momma as she’d fall asleep then wake up screaming… poor babes.

Have Moose’s party with 6 boys over night… please remind me next year that’s not happening!?! Boys hurting each other’s feelings, not going to bed until 130 and up at 7… I am old and cannot do this up and down all night yelling at children, because the FIRST time telling them to be quiet SHOULD have been enough.

Now onto the weekend… I get to walk for 2 hours for work today and then get the rest of the weekend off!!

HERE’S TO ALL THE OTHER SLEEP DEPRIVED PARENTS OUT THERE… YOU ROCK, YOU GOT THIS!!

Ladies day…

Well the boys are out playing D & D which means for us ladies: fake nails on the girls, nail polished watermelons, edible cookie dough, and coffee… along with lots of chatting!!

Should totally be doing more like the laundry… but even us ladies need a day to get our fun on… So now I’m binging “The unbreakable Kimmy Schmit” on Netflix… but it’s definitely not getting my puzzle done or laundry folded.

Yesterday I was able to hang out with one of my bestie’s while we were out rock hunting… didn’t score the prized rock that we were looking for but we found plenty more of amazing art. We don’t get to hang out often enough. Makes me sad some times.

My other bestie, Jess, lives in NY which is completely on the opposite side of the country from me… Miss being able to get together and hang out but we are just able to be like nothing has changed.

My new girlfriends and I have time to chat.

what about you? What are things you like to do???